the new term for farting is butt boxing.
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
you were convinced that if all her tampons were gone her period would stop, so you started eating them.
I just mixed tequila and nyquil in front of dad. hes making ambulance jokes but let me tell you its DELICIOUSSS
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
Ok seriously I'm living off of bologna but I have 4 handles in the freezer.
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
Do you remember trying to use a pencil, pen, and sunglasses as your second form of ID at the bar when they wouldn't let you in last night?
Random Survey Question: If things start getting serious with this cop, do I have to stop doing coke?
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
My day so far: morning after pill and pancakes. Living the dream.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
You kept apologizing to your car for talking behind its back
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