If only Ben were 51% gay instead of 49%
So I'm cool with the whole break up, but it sure is a shame we didn't get to use those handcuffs.
it got awkward when she realized that our nickname for her was "The Hambeast"
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
There are two guys here arguing over Pearl jam and Nirvana. 1991 wants its argument back.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
Cockblock successful. That's for pouring nacho cheese on my flatscreen, asshole.
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
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