You should see what I'm doing to your stuffed animals
I opened up her dishwasher and all I found was a spoon, a juice glass and all her sex toys.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I showed that dick picture that your date texted you to everyone because you passed out and left your phone unattended. Your fault. Plus his cock was big so his fault too.
Okay do all 29 year olds have erectile dysfunction or just the two I've slept with?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did we really just set fireworks off in a cemetery? Or was that a dream?
I think so and I think we were sober.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Just introduced myself to a group of people and one dude said "You're Marc!? I've heard many a legend of you." I raised bottle of champagne, said cheers, and drank with them.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I woke up in the bathroom clutching a stuffed shark. My night was fantastic, thanks for asking.
Well, thanks for not letting me sleep with anyone, but no thanks for telling everyone I have the clap.
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