Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
Why does it say "go to Planned Parenthood tomorrow" on my dry-erase board?
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Since when is my name a synonym for head?
On the way home from Florida I threw up at the beginning border and ending border of 6 states. You win this year Spring Break.
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
Mom just posted ur drunk pix from Cancun in the newly made "My not-so-fantastic son" album. Thought you should know.
My building was evacuated who wants to quake and bake
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
The only way that night could have gotten any better would be if a unicorn would descend from the heavens with a nacho bell grande in a bag around its horn beat boxing Hakunah Matata.
I just came so hard I growled. Definitely found my gspot.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
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