I'm at work and it's 1:30. I need a beer. is that bad?
Welcome to every minute of my life.
WHY DID I DRINK ALL THE INGREDIENTS FOR VOMIT?!
I think i found my new favorite workout. Go to a party where you dont know anybody and constantly walk around the house so you dont look awkward standing alone. im up to 1.8 miles
Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I seriously fake cumming more than i poop.
battery dying...get laid and text me after...or during...its whatever.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
i no longer feel bad for not doin my schoolwork. im watching a porn in french. this MUST qualify as studying.
I'm worried I'm going to miss my flight so I set a series of alarms on my phone to act as checkpoints to make sure I'll be there. 2am-stop drinking; 4am-stop fucking stephanie, get some sleep; 5am-wake up, fuck stephanie once more; 6am-get to the airport
Just promise me we won't die tonight. I can't have an autopsy report that reads "stomach contents: Tequila and semen."
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
Just went trick or treating in my kitchen. Found chocolate and scotch. Happy fucking Halloween
So far I've taken two naps, went out and bought a pizza called the Hipster, and in 15 min I'm gonna make a snow angel. Conquering Snowlandia. How bout you?
I almost forgot to feel shameful, if that answers your question.
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