I hate all girls vehemently.
we lost you for like an hour and then found you at some dive bar trying to teach dance lessons
September 16th, captains log. I awoke in a daze, not sure of my location
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you know what would be perfect? if you flew in on a horse/cat holding taco bell and then you swooped me up and took me to disney world and it was magical
I brought him flowers on my way home from cheating on him. Boyfriend of the year award right here.
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
Ah well. Drinking wouldn't be drinking without mystery bruises
Agreed.
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
There's a fuckload of syrup all over the floor.
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