Please explain to me why I only attract Mormon guys. Just explain that to me.
I think it's God trying to counter your lustful nature. Imagine if Agnostics liked you. You'd never come out of your bedroom.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
you were so high that you made a 14 page PowerPoint on why Santa would beat Peter pan in a fight.
and I must say, you were very persuasive
She was really sick last night--but i was too drunk to bring her chicken noodle soup after the bar, so went by taco bell and got her a chicken burrito instead
should i be impressed or disgusted that i was spitting glow-in-the-dark?
Hippo gnu deer
one of them held the wheel while the other one changed her pants. while driving. on the thruway. what
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
It was like getting a handjob from a frost giant
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Out of ten? A seven. You pulled your shorts down to your ankles, jumped into the pool and announced you were a merman.
And when were you going to tell me to stop dancing on his coffee table singing "come on irene?"
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
Randomize
