Did you put 9lbs of birdseed all over my car?
You weighed it?
I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
Hi, my name's audrey!
Max?
Sorry, this girl is phone-stealing drunk.
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
I admit it's going to be hard to top a limo orgy and Mcnuggets....but I have faith in you
She sent me a pic of shot glasses on fire if that tells you anything
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
She still cant shoot whiskey?
Im having serious doubts about this relationship
did you really just send me an instagramed dick pic?
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
Do you still speak french? one of two girls I woke up with only speaks french...
It would seem she's painting a bullseye right in between her legs
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
I would climb him like a jungle gym. Enthusiastically and creatively.
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