its good she wears the same dress to all the weddings so we can track how fat she's really gotten
so glad i banged her when she was skinny
pretty sure that I broke my nose during sexting. Life is grand.
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
writing the newer testament. It's the 3rd for the series. I'll update u the rule changes later.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
being pregnant is like rehab
Hey dude. I've got a mini fridge in my closet now so we don't have to worry about getting drunk and falling down the stairs on our way to get more beer.
I'm washing down the sadness with shots of vodka.
Roommate is hosting a 'sorority retreat' at our house. If you need to get laid, stumble on over.
I saw a classic trojan enz laying on his desk. So he's probably not into the kinky shit.
When's the best time to point out that all of my orgasms this year have been self-administered? Valentine's day?
If history is any guide, his morals are no match for my tits
There is no way entering a gas station bathroom memorializing an alien abduction in rural New Hampshire is a good idea.
Breakfast sounds amazing but can we do IHOP instead? I have to pick up a Plan B pill and there’s a CVS next to it
Randomize
