So why didn't Edward and the Cullens just kill Hitler?
You need to stop watching Twilight.
I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
fuck. did you have to draw it on me with a permanent marker
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Dude idk, apparently telling two drunk chicks 'that's whats up' after watching them lick eachother's face wasn't the compliment they were looking for. I mean I was fucking hammered.
Wow.
watching my parents drink 4 loko out of usf cups playing pool and rocking out to ACDC...
Can I come live with you?
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
I was using my Beauty and the Beast blanket as a makeshift skirt because no pants
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I'm two shots in and wandering around Barnes and Noble with $58 in singles.
my dry spell has ended & now it's like a tsunami of dick i can't handle it
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