So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
Dude go to the top of pikes peak right now to catch Kevin Bacon's band performing
The bacon? Yeah right. What if there's Tremors?
Him and Burt have already taken care of that. It's a once in a lifetime chance to catch the Bacon brothers live in concert. I sort of have a boner
I successfully cooked a taquito with a lighter! My stomach hurts now tho.. im either guna blame it on the undercooked taquito or im feeling guily about porkin my brothers gf a lil bit ago
nothing like a negative hiv test and a bag of condoms to brighten my day.
dressing as green man for st patrick's day = free drinks all night long
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's my first ever "i'm sorry for my excessive drug use" hand turkey. And I think it's pretty boss.
And then he told me he was too tired for me to suck his dick. Physically and mentally too tired for me to suck his dick. What the fuck?
So for future reference.... it's a little unnerving when I can't get hold of you, and the last communication we had was, "Oh fuck... It's tequila"
Come over. I've made 2 dinners and so many cocktails. I'm a 50's housewife with no family.
I feel like I spent all day wearing underpants made entirely of poison ivy and sandpaper
CRAIGSLIST IS NOT THE ANSWER
IM LONELY AND HORNY
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
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