Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
Its what im here for. Critiquing penis photos.
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
I wish him all the best and hope one day he can afford the surgery to remove his head from his ass
This guy is walking around with a deer head on. Honestly what the fuck
I just gave an orange Froot Loop the finger for falling on the floor instead of my mouth when I was pouring a mini box of cereal into my face.
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
I think there is cocaine on my toothbrush.
Dude, my back STILL hurts from carrying the team on BP last night.
Can I borrow your pants?
WTH?
Just come to the men’s room and help me. The blonde bartender figured out I’m married. Rachel will definitely notice if come home pantsless
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