I'm at the bar with Ashley what should I do?
humiliate her
he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
the girls im babysitting are trying to see how much jello they can swallow without chewing...their future boyfriends are lucky
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
She said she'd heard about my nickname in high school. Apparently sledgehammer isn't as popular as you'd believe...
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
the fact you finally accept your bi don't shock me but as your fuck buddy I expect you girls to go family style on me
yeah the highlight of my day was the 911 operator telling me they had frantically been trying to figure out where i was
I just watched two birds fight or fuck. It was crazy. Another bird was watching closer and I know that bird understood what was happening better than me.
Randomize
