at church Sunday morning I dropped an M&M down my dress and it landed in my bra. I fished it out and ate it. A lot of people saw me.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
I already apologized. And I got cum in my eye in return, I say your night beats mine...
I don't want to have to force feed him my vagina!!
that wasn't rum that I poured down your throat while you were sleeping
He was so hammered. He called the cops on the landscapers he thought they were trespassing. 2 were arrested on warrants.
He's sending me pics of Yellowstone scenery...the only thing I can think is "I would have sex next to that waterfall"
I cannot be with a girl who won't let me come home on my lunch break, eat spicy ranch and watch Breaking Bad without pants on. #lesbianproblems
I need ecstasy. And, before you ask, the answer is yes right now
If you could come do me into like a 12 hour coma that'd be great
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
She was pretty impressed that I led all thirty of us back to campus in my state of drunk. Evidently so impressed that she now refers to me as "Moses" in bed.
I really wanna treat my body good. Because i plan on doing drugs
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
