I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
There is something about drinking on a golf course and getting with younger women that just really makes me feel at home.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
I figured it out. hungover me hates drunk me, drunk me hates sober me, and sober me hates being sober. so yes, were blacking out tonight.
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just walk-of-shame'd past fifteen little girls at summer camp. Take a good look girls, I am you in twelve years.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
it would be cheaper just to buy a dildo to intimidate people with.
I just want to fuck you then discuss implications of our existence afterwards. Then Doritos and hot tub.
Halloween is the only night where I would ever end up getting a guy's makeup all over my face
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Thanks. It's every girl's dream, right? To blow a bald marketing consultant 12 years her senior?
Taking care of drunk people fulfills my need to be a mother
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
She made kool-aid with tequila instead of water and rolled a blunt about the size of an Oscar Mayer hot dog. Best blind date I've ever had. I think I will love her tell my dieing day!
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