you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
last night was the icing on my 3 week vodka binge cake
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
third eye blind makes so much more sense now that i have a drug problem
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
well the blowjob for study guide exchange was a success.
Should we start at nine like normal people or now like alcoholics?
I think Facebook knows you fucked me. All of a sudden I get everything you do in my news feed.
she said she just "wanted a guy who she could cook breakfast for". HUGE MISTAKE. I'm never leaving
I'm so glad I can be everyone's guide to the world of fucked up kinks
See and now you're talking. I am like the fairy godmother of hook ups.
If one more person says Merry Christmas to me I’m going to take a pen out of my pocketbook and stab them in the eye
Randomize
