i just uploaded three hundred pictures and you had your shirt off in two hundred and ninety of them
the remaining ten - you weren't in
i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Girls should come with a carfax report
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
Cause your way of greeting people at the club was grabbing a tit and jiggling it while yelling a name, which usually wasn't theirs, and guys weren't safe either.
I don't deserve a penis
i am bringing shame upon my ancesors with my weak liver valhalla will never accept me
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Yeah because the only thing stopping you from fucking Emma Watson is you not being a Gryffindor
I'm bathroom at buffalo wild wings
I think incapable of making pants work send help
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
I wish I could open myself up and check on my liver. Make sure it's hanging on. Ya know?
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
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