Uggggg i want to leave and get bombed over baghdad
So he sent me a text that said "say hi to your vajayjay for me"
Was there any message he wanted you to relay to your asshole?
Gentlemen...shes not going to tie her self to the table...
He is drunkenly eating my teddy grahms and making little growling noises as he bites the head off of each one.
My body isn't even mad at me...just disappointed
They just yellow carded someone for spilling a drink because it was a party foul. Love germans.
some dude is stoned out of his mind in my calc class. just shouted that the teacher was a genius cause he got rid of so many numbers
This is going to be the summer remembered forever as the giant 3 month long mushroom trip.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
It's fine...I've done worse things to better people.
Dude. I legit missed class because I got too engrossed in the porn I was watching. Also I need to figure out how to get as flexible as these chicks. Some of the positions they do are outrageous.
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
Randomize
