one two three fourrrrnication!
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
i tried to hook up with a mom and then her husband came with num chucks
there's unknown territories my dick was not made to discover
Law school is ruining my masturbation schedule.
She just left after she spent the past 2.5 hours fuckin the shit out of me. I'll put that in the logbook as a cross country
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
I blacked out before two in the afternoon yesterday. Now that's a successful birthday.
I walked out of the store holding my face and a lady pulled her daughter away from me as I then threwup in the parking lot
Believe it or not, Travis and I simultaneously breaking beer bottles over eachothers heads was not a good idea.
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
At what point lastnight did a lens fall out of my glasses and nobody tell me?
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
Randomize
