as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
It's official, I've know hooked up with everyone I carpooled with in middle school
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
so I'm coping with getting the "I'm not over my ex" bomb dropped on me by getting drunk and yelling at people while wearing a purple princess hat
I don't know what I should tell you tell you. I don't want to encourage you to dye my dog.
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
I feel like our low point of the night was when we had to start chasing with ice cubes and wheat thins.
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
Have you ever been so high that you felt like corduroy? I'm at that level.
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Just renamed the subject of my sex list on my phone "grocery list" just in case anyone comes across it
Randomize
