I'm worried someone is gonna take a black light to my work computer. But the connection is faster here.
He famously once noted that women should wear white "like all other domestic appliances,"
I'm drunk at The Bachelor casting call in Cleveland
I cherish every text you send me
She said she didn't want to have sex because she was so torn up about "this whole NBC thing."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
Miserable. My projectile vomit just woke me up from a 5.5 hour nap.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
We got back together. The pastures weren't greener on the other side, the dicks were just smaller
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
The cops just came to this party I'm at and ate all of our snacks
Dude just crushed our bbq lays and told us to quiet down
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
Although can we find me a starter dick? I don't want security showing up again. That was awkward.
its like my accent is a device for a 100% chance of sex every time i leave the apartment. i love being english in this country.
Randomize
