You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
i feel like i want to date him just so i could be besties with his penis
the only reason he called me tonight was because I fertilized his crops on farmville.
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
an off duty cop drove behind me last night to make sure i didnt get a dui. i was blacked out drunk and on a pill of ecstacy. he knew this. i must be really pretty.
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
If I get there and all he has for my big valentines surprise is his body, I'm dumping his ass and posting his dirty pictures on a porn site so people can laugh at him.
I think it really helped to be hungover at accepted students day. it gave me a good feel for how it would be everyday if I go there.
I'm proud of you for choosing to be an organ donor on your fake!!
She proceeded to flip everyone off then open a Heineken with her teeth.
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
Oh my fucking god, I was conceived on the first date.
Aw. You're having cute FaceTime with your fiance, I'm trying to convince myself not to booty call a 42 year old. #adulting
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
