I have demons in me.
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
I just withdrew $200 in ones. I think the teller knew what was up
I'm going to join a nudist colony to win $1000. There are no down-sides to this.
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
My internship group is made up of all freshman. Their enthusiasm for education and social interaction sickens me.
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
She asked what it would take for you to fuck her. You drunkenly mumbled, "pepperoni pizza" and then got in the cab by yourself. You were smiling too. It was weird.
I downloaded the presidential playlists for offline listening. And Obama made a night one so we have presidential approved fuck jamzzzzz. Thanks Obama!
I think I'm actually too depressed to do drugs, wow.
He radiates elegant sexual dominance. I bet even his balls have pinstripes.
Last night this creepy guy asked me my name and I told him it was Jaundice and he called me that all night
The brides mom put a 6 year old in charge of me to make sure I don’t get too drunk before the wedding
Randomize
