we just ha sex. he lasted two minutes. i told him to leave because i had class
isnt today saturday?
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
All I remember is mattress sliding down the stairs while giving him a blow-job. Sorry you had to witness the incident.
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
The walk of shame out of a freshman dorm isn't so bad when you're 25, nobody questions you because they think youre gonna bust them for having weed
I'm stoned and just shared 4 cookies with this chicks dog
They're raisins though so they're healthy. No worries.
A homeless man just asked me if I had seen any "nekkid chicks with heineken bottles run by"
Berkeley was the right choice
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
I sang Sweet Caroline with a homeless man and made him 25 bucks. Redbull vodka gives you wings!
There's "red head", "preppy white girl" and "the two Asians I dated and now everyone thinks I like Asians"
Your dating history is like the united colors of Benetton
Did you feel uncomfortable?
For a little while. Then I got really high and ate a bunch of animal crackers out of some dudes pocket while we chilled on their super comfortable couch.
what color bed sheets say meditative warrior but also welcome to my sex dungeon...
navy blue
The fact that you have an answer to that is why we are friends...
Randomize
