i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Last night she showed me how to clean my bowl and now she's drunk making peanut butter filled cookies. Best. Roommate. Ever.
Dude, just look at these fucking curtains and chill out.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
My radar detector detects ice cream trucks. I think it was made for stoners
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I need to quit being a slut. It's to the point that I got my period today and automatically I Believe I Can Fly popped into my head.
Well, I was asked to leave the Waffle House for "being to physical" so I think that option is off the table
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
Aww well I’m kinda unsober so probably best
IF THE SUNS NOT EVEN OUT THEN WHY IS HIS DICK OUT WTF
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
Randomize
