Do you need to be saved?
No I think I'm God
You drew a self portrait of yourself on his wall with sharpie.
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
I flossed his teeth and then we had sex in the bathroom. It just seemed like a good idea.
I don't feel bad about fucking old guys. That's what I want. It's what I likeeeeee.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Things are very odd on my 29th hour of being awake. Thought there was a bird in my lecture hall and it was just a girl putting up her hair. What even
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
That moment when the line ‘If you want a hot body you better work bitch’ in Britney Spears’ new song comes on as you’re using two forks to shovel enchilada into your mouth.
Congrats on dating a convict, there's no fitbit badge for that one.
Speaking of dignity, who all saw me....
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Randomize
