He just seriously used the word "skeet." Can we please find another way to get weed?
No. Take one for the team.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
I mean you guys are my friends and all but if you fuck with me I will not hesitate to set you on fire
Now I get the fucking shakes every time I hear I'm Sexy And I Know It. Thanks, Captain Morgan.
If she has AMC, I may have to fuck her today. I want to catch up on the walking dead.
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
My rule for unemployment is that I can't smoke before noon.
I haven't gotten up before 1 though, so it hasn't really impacted me.
I said "sucks to suck" to a cop last night. We've been snapchatting.
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
No more bourbon. Sleep now. I may die. Pray for me.
You're only young once, and once you get old, you either regret all the sex you had, or you regret not having enough.
Dude, you ever snap awake on the toilet at work with that panicked, "How long have I been here?!" feeling??
Randomize
