I want your puppy
I meant pussy
I would rather you take my puppy
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
I think you can do her, she seemed pretty set for revenge the second time her boyfrind high fives her in the face.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
That gas station is used for only two things, picking up moonshine and getting murdered. Only two outcomes.
Hello and welcome to the game 'Matt needs weed'! Rules are simple: first one to find a bag wins the fabulous prize of getting stoned with yours truly. Thank you for playing and good luck!!
Please ask me to tell you about the time I watched two of my friends chase my drunk roommate with a broken foot around downtown
can we take a moment to remember my theory on 'your tongue is a snake that lives in your mouth' because we reached a whole new level of high
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
I'm only friends with her because I can't stop watching the train wreck.
Do we have to do this party tonight? I'm worried my bed will miss me...
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Somebody broke the sliding door, and someone ripped the toilet seat off the toilet. So yeah, pretty typical friday night
No, he came home, unscrewed all of the lightbulbs, and threw them in the sink.
Randomize
