You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
thats it. im googling how to make you boobs smaller. this is getting out of control.
Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
I'm babysitting my fucking roommate he took out the screen and is trying to throw dishware in our fucking pool after he repelled off our balcony
Yeah, I wish I could have one upped you. But all I did was ride circles around a cop on a stolen bicycle while laughing at him for telling me to stop riding on the sidewalk.
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
as he was bent over the toilet, he turned to me and said "barbarian kyle is much stronger than regular kyle" and then went right back to puking.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
I am never drinking with the goths again.
I have 2 voicemails from u last night. one of them is just 5 min of u saying "doodling"...
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Woke up with a glow stick in my boobs this morning. Must've dominated Sunday.
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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