If immigrants and dwarves find love, why can't I?
I've come to realize time passes slowest when I'm sitting in class, waiting for microwavable foods, working out, & giving head.
im sitting in a tub with a sombrero on.. im just kind of confused.
The pine trees are waving at me.
Put the pipe down honey.
Hi trees.
It's probably just the physical manifestation of slut karma. But i of course mean that in the kindest way possible because i love you and respect your choices
There was a guy on the elevator dressed as santa in flip-flops giving away beer.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
He got punched in the face, dropped his laptop down a flight of stairs, and broke his roommate's lava lamp, getting all the toxic lava goo everywhere. This is why we don't let him get drunk. And yet here we are.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Soooo we should kick it sometime when it's like light outside. Drink outta cups.. Be bitches. 7, 6, 3, 5.. 4, 2, 1... Sschhkiddaellladiieessscchk
You know that girl that climbed through my window and got in my bed with me and fucked me? It turns out she was real and has a real boyfriend who is real pissed
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
Holy fuck, my entire boob is bruised! Lierally my boob is just one big bruise.
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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