OK...I gotta go get strawberry short cake cakes and knee pads
I never thought that I'd ever use the phrase "and the resulting ice cream explosion" seriously at work...
Girls only wine night turned into a sloppy drunk lesbian orgy again
but he used his one phone call to call mom and wish her happy mothers day, that's gotta count for somethin
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
My 16 year old coworker just told me I should take my job more seriously after she watched me puke in the backroom trash can. Fuck teenagers with morals.
She kept telling the ambulance to sit down and then started crying when we told her it couldn't hear her
i just wanna get shit faced and pass out in some random holly bush with a bucket on my head and stockings for shoes.
I was living a snoop dogg song I fucked her on the floor so I wouldn't mess up my bed
i think ive reached a prime reproductive point in my life or somethin- i see gingers and all i want to do is have their babies. like my body knows that i have a to carry on a legacy
Today in French class my teacher was singing "what does the fox say" so i started answering in similar satanic ritual noises
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
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