I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
i was focused on more important things... like standing, and not spilling my beer
we have to get out to the bar earlier. all of the guys are already committed to the girls they're going home with.
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
Small children cheering my name. I am not a decent enough human being to feel comfortable with this.
Now that I'm born again, I'm preserving my gift.
Your vagina isn't a White Elephant gift. You can't re-wrap it after it's already been given several times. That's white trash thinking.
Also bring a pizza or no entry to my vagina OR the fort.
Cheese only
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
We need to get me chipped asap
So I got a text from him saying "jacking off...thinking of you" I think I'm going to get a restraining order
at the hospital. Kevin drank straight from the river
Randomize
