woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
The online application for Mcdonald's said I could do incredible things there. Today I threw out shit filled underwear in the women's restroom and escorted a very drunk/high 42 year old man outside after he ordered a 5 dollar foot long and a bloody mary.
Im not gonna remember this tomorrow but the real money is in coke i wanna get a dark wood desk and cell coke then i can own taco bell and the xxl chalupa will be mine
and then we had to stop you from trying to pour shots through your nose with the neti pot.
Is it sad I don't want to go buy $1 Mac-n-cheese cause I need to pay rent... I'm re-naming this college.
Also, peanut butter on a spoon dinner is back in existence and it is good.
the last call horn was blaring when I tried peeling you off the bathroom floor than you uttered "Ill take the toothless one.'
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I'm getting better, this year I only showed up drunk to 1 final.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
I texted him "my vagina is pounding for you"
I know, you made me proof read it.
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