do you ever lay in the bath and watch the blood hit the water?
EWW. Don't discuss your period with me. You can go shave your back now.
Just got kicked in the balls by a girl in tap shoes. Fuck EVERYTHING
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
I owe you a thank you for last night. Only you could go up to a guy, ask if he likes my boobs, and return later to find us in a full on dance floor makeout sesh. Well played.
This is a rough morning for me
No, rough is puking in your froyo cup next to a five year old and her grandma.
While you wait, fill out your state patrol application. Not trying to be your mom, I just really want to fuck a cop.
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
She called to say her plane was running late and i had 30minutes to get to the airport for bathroom sex
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
So drunk me is not subtlety trying to get her boss to cheat on her husband and have a lesbian affair with me. Sober me is ok with that.
Stupid Covid-19
The universal cock block of this decade
Randomize