One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
Just saw a girl i'm pretty sure is simultaneously jailbait and a milf. I never want to leave mexico.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
Did I ever tell u about how my buddy fucked peter coors's daughter and made a tshirt that said I TAPPED THE ROCKIES with her picture on it?
If you can't find your cat in the morning it's cause i put him in the laundry basket and then put the laundry basket in the shower.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
You know my ex in high school who cheated on me and dumped me right before prom? A decade later, I just saw her again...working at an Arby's. it was a good day...
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
He has been feeding me cheesecake and candy for breakfast. Naked. For three days. How am I ever going to leave????
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
And one groomsman rode a suitcase cart like a skateboard until he crashed and took out a piece of sheet rock. Later he pulled out his nuts.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
Well, I could just slap my dick to my phone and see what it says
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Can I come kidnap you from work so we can chug mimosas? My little brother has a ski mask I can borrow.
Randomize
