new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
Reason #57 I am going to fail the bar... it's Tuesday and i'm drunk at Toy Story 3.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
I can'nr wwn explain this nihght . So amnt dixks. Shitttttt.
he just sent me a pic of him naked with a bucket of margarita mix hanging off his dick
You picked up her frozen vom puddle and threw it like a frisbee.
Why can't I hire someone to teach me how to be a decent human being?
I just baby talked my cat. While getting ready for bed... Before 10 on a Friday. I'm officially a cat lady.
I don't want sex or anything I just really need someone to appreciate how shiny my hair is
Blacked out drunk in California and woke up somewhere in Arizona, I'm pretty sure I got here on foot
Im not sure if the cops that just came are strippers or actually cops
His Australian accent during sex made me think I was in an Outback Steakhouse commercial
He's got a beautiful penis, I can't lie
She is either doing really drawn out crunches or trying to sniff her boobs...She's lying on her back with her hand behind her head, forcing her head into the cleavage that's ok to expose and then moves her head back and then does it again.
I'm at work behind the bar and just washed my mouth out with rumple bc I don't have a toothbrush. This may be a new low.
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