by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
I just turned in a 4 page paper spelling absolute as "absolut" every single time. I'm an alcoholic
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
you were crying and trying to give advice to people.. that's was a new level of drunk for you
By the way, i got bored and just started putting my balls on every object in your room. One at a time.
Ive made peace with the fact that i will accomplish nothing except liver damage today
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
I'm trying to convey to the smoking hot Spanish cleaning lady at work that I want to bone her but I think it's getting lost in translation. How do you say "blowjob" in Spanish?
I threw up in my room. And I cleaned it up with a spatula.
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
I think it was a smart move. Quickest way to get over a guy, hook up with his friends.
earned some solid air miles from the plan B I just bought. #silverlinings
yeah it's a weird friendship. we pretend that we're automatic besties but i know we both know i slept with her boyfriend
Randomize
