It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
shes 19, drunk and said she has no gag reflex. im trying to decide if i have scruples
you dont
i dont
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
Good news! I don't have Hep C! Better news! I still hate you!
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
you bit my nipple really hard and then looked at me and said 'i feel responsible for the state of your nipples'
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
This whole quitting my bad habits all at once is really messing with my ability to function.
Answered a bio test question bc of watching phineas and ferb. Remind me to always drink when studying.
Why in the hell is there a guy dressed up as a horse passed out in our kitchen.
happy birthday!
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize
