i want you now
you need to stop dating girls with the same name as your mother...or stop drinking so much...I don't want to see this
Something in my vomit makes me think I shouldn't have had that slurpee
We need to either start getting drunk more often or one of us need to start doin drugs
Wtf? Why?
I want awesome conversations to show the world.
The bar posted my picture because my name changes with each new fake i get. i'm getting a wig.
then they caught me trying to hide the turtle in the fridge
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
Well besides you comparing him to your dead cat, I'd say it was fine.
He was having an allergic reaction to that new brand of vodka Eric brought, so he just started chasing with benadryl.. Talk about commitment.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
You get home ok?
Uh, you stopped by my house at 4 am and woke me up, so yeah.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
how do i act around someone who's shoes i puked in while naked and blackout?
Randomize
