Charged a drink to your name last night. Thanks for the whiskey
Update, blind date is cute and fun.
Scratch that, blind date just threw up.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
In the middle of switching positions, we shared a line of coke. It's was like a modern-day 'Lady and the Tramp.'
he told me he's been faithful to his girlfriend and is gonna try to stay that way. challenge accepted.
Def just hooked up with my brother's senior prom date in his bed. Does that make me the worst brother ever?
I just want a sensitive guy who will get drunk with me then take me out to steal things. Is that too much to ask?
That was like a fiery explosion of flailing arms and wonderful passion
Just threw up in front of the Boy Scouts on my base. Welcome to the Navy kids.
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
I responded like every reasonable adult would. With a gif
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
