And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
i just peed out my two story window using my cell phone as a flashlight . hope the neighbors didnt see
were talking about masturbation in my pysc class. He says it's healthy. I'm gonna live forever
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
She started howling at the moon. That was pretty much the deal breaker.
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
Not sure how I feel about St Psts and March Madness being on the same weekend. I feel like I've been screwed out of a drunk holiday.
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
Someone just walked into the bar with a pillow
I don't know whether to judge him or give him a high five
I'm at an awkward stage of not being able to tell if I wanna keep having fun or if I need to die in bed
Trust me.. Might look gay.. Might feel gay... But I could snap your neck with my inside thighs bro
There should be a Doritos delivery van or something.
I woke up in my basement holding someone else's underwear and a bottle of mouthwash . I wish I could explain more than that but i can't remember ...
Randomize
