I've come to the conclusion that the only reason I fucked him was because he reminded me of Seth Rogen.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
he aplogized for the shitty sex and called me "ma'am" when he did it. And he wants redemption sex. Gah I love southern gentlemen.
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
Until you find your self finger banging supergirl in the middle of the dance floor while her friends are passing around for luigi mustache for a photo op, YOU HAVE NOT HIT MY LEVEL
I feel like when purchasing hard liquor on a Monday I also need to buy a happy 21st bday card to not seem so pathetic
I don't need to know how horny your mother is, hun.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Does anyone remember last night? Because I still don't know why I now own a goldfish and a ceiling fan made of pizza?
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
I may forget my underwear, but you can count on me for drugs and plan b
The people above me are fucking to Miley Cyrus
But you''re still having sex with him. And a hobo convinced you to.
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