Heybabeimwearingurpanties
I just used my 2 drink stirrers as chopsticks to get a lime out of my drink. I really am Asian.
The money shot is kinda like the "The End" part of a children's book isn't it?
What wine goes with Cap'n Crunch?
i promise ill be ok...btw im only considered "not ok" if i end up in the hospital.
Johns diaper came in the mail. He's freaking out thinking there's some conspiracy going on since he sharted on the drive home from st. Louis
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I'm skyping with my parents and reading Cosmo articles on giving great head. I'm on a roller coaster that only goes up, baby.
my bowl and the doses are under your mom's passenger seat
repeat: THERE IS LSD AND THC IN YOUR MOM'S CAR. HELP ME HELP US AVOID FELONIES
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
As much as I enjoyed playing drunk half naked twister and talking about my daddy issues last time, I'll have to pass.
Turns out he's actually a she. Might keep dating her just to see Mom's reaction.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Did I tell you about the swingers? Because I think they're trying to trap me.
Randomize
