Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
you have to choose: penises or morals?
He was so drunk that he tried to backflip off a baby chair.. How do you think that ended?
we should become lesbians. not together. just in general.
I wasn't sure if "you're even prettier in the dark" was a compliment. Hmm.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
You asked my mom "who the fuck drives four hours to sleep in a guys bed and not touch his penis"
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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