This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
It was right before we played jenga with champagne glasses for a good half hour
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
