I wish i was in the wii world.
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
Dude, I fucked her last night with nothing but my bandana on. Like straight Indian chief style.
Two girls just making out in the elevator. Didn't stop when the doors opened. Part of me didnt mind, but part did. Bc I wanted to get on the elevator without it getting awkward. Am I gay?
I feel like delivery guys should know that when you order lunch for one and answer the door wearing sweatpants, there's no need to say "Happy Valentine's Day."
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
Look man, sometimes you just gotta say "Sure! Why not? I can always take a shower afterwards"
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Do you think telling guys I'm majoring in magic is a good pickup line?
By the time we got to McDonald's you were sharing a Big Mac with a stripper.
i have officially smoked myself stupid. went to wally world to buy soap and toothpaste but got 4 potpies and 2 dessert pies instead. fail.
Randomize
