we are learning about oedipus in english. fuck you for making this awkward for me
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
Well on the bright side, I only need a sophomore to complete the fuck-a-guy-from-every-year-challenge.
i am one more weekend without sex away from dosing him with viagra and locking ourselves into a closet.
So if you want this MFM threesome thing to happen the other guy is here and willing
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
We should bet how many people are going to get alcohol poisoning next weekend and whoever wins gets a free Starbucks.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
You know that feeling when you wake up and your whole body just smells like a penis?
He responded to all of my texts prodding for dirty talk with "I will do anything you are comfortable with."\n\nChivalry is great, but being comfortable doesn't get me wet.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Randomize