Hey sorry i havent responded. i threw up on my phone while i was sleeping
i went to throw her on my bed and threw her straight in to my bike
Banging your ex-girlfriends best friend 3 days after you break up is like saying "fuck you" with feeling. I wouldnt have it any other way.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
The interviewer had a hook for his right hand I TRIED TO SHAKE HIS HOOK WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME
Idk. Each time I ask him about double teaming a woman with Dennis Rodman he just giggles. We will never know what to believe.
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
only i would grind with someone to harp music at a gay wedding
You were naked with a chalice of Skittles vodka, singing along to Les Miserables.
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
Dude, who WASN'T thinking of motorboating her?
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I'm covered in glow paint and shame. I'm never leaving this country
Randomize
