tell ils to like buy her flowers and like a balloon that says, sorry I tried to fuck your sister. I think hallmark makes some of those cards too.
I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
That's what happens when you park you car under a perfectly good balchony I can puke off of
I'm so proud of us for fucking the same friend group before we met in a completely unrelated instance.
DO NOT EAT ONE OF DONOVANS WEED RICE CRISPIES. I REPEAT DO NOT EAT IF YOU VALUE YOUR EYE BALLS
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
Goldenshlager is a hell of a drink. And these are the adventures ur missing out on w me. I gave someone a bath Emily. A BATH.
Awkward
Can't say I wouldn't let it happen again.
SHUT UP I CAN'T HEAR YOU OVER THE SOUND OF UKULELE AND LONLINESS
It's just really funny to hear them talk about March for Life when literally every single one of those girls has had an abortion
Now I have the opportunity to have Chris Pratt or Channing Tatum?!? What a time to be alive.
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
So it turns out that a Ford Focus does not fit in a Walmart cart return.
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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