The whole way homeyou were flapping your arms up and down, and when I asked why you said you were trying to tell Tony Danza about the angels.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
Legit screaming match in this bar over the differences between cupcakes and muffins.
im honestly more upset that i fucked a buckeyes fan than about cheating on my boyfriend...
downstairs . braiding the drunk passed out girls hair, she will thank us In the morning
Yeah he doesn't get it. We had to change the subject to Keanu reeves before someone got hurt.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
My only objective is to get drunk enough to forget the last 364 days.
you told that cab driver that when the 3 of us come togehter it means happiness and love
Will the fact that I have 4 boob hickies add to or take away from tonight's outfit?
He's German, so by default he gets to fuck me.
He looked me deeply in the eyes and said "I don't want this to be the last time I see you.. Can I follow you on Instagram"
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Randomize
