Drawing on your hand and calling it yenifer lopez doesn't count!
she has no idea who harrison ford is.
see that's why i'd never date someone born in the 90s
watching "look who's talking now." getting choked up at the end when they find each other at the cabin
doesn't that movie star kirstie alley and have talking dogs in it? new low...even for you
if we dont hook up this weekend, im doing both his roommates
He gets creativity points for the hot sauce. But it may be awhile until my nipples forgive him
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I remember saying to him "Fun fact! If you lie this way it's easier to deep throat!" I even judge me.
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
Someone should make a valentines day card that says "I like the way you continuously consume thc with no concept of a limit other than drug supply" Because I'd send that to you.
I was alternating between saying "yall need Jesus" and "God bless" the entire night
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
drunk and crying about Shakespeare- how's your night?
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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