Ooooh. That's not a mole. Uncomfortable.
that's the second time you've been mistaken as a prostitute. maybe life is trying to tell you something
its my fault though, i'm wearing tights
you're hiking in tights? you remind me of dennis quaid's fiance in the parent trap
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
doing lines of blow through a tampon applicator in the study lounge at 7am so i can finish an italian composition that was due a week and a half ago...such a good student.
Real friends wouldn't let me shotgun a 4loko after already seeing me trying to eat a girl out through her jeans.
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
She only remembers me when she's drunk. It's like I'm a suppressed memory that only surfaces with alcohol.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Randomize
