I want to get laid tonight but my sheets haven't been washed since vomiting in them on Halloween :(
Ummm so does anybody remember me stopping to get my ear peirced last night and make an earring out of a staple? Or did I just somehow lay on this thing and ram it through my ear?
He kept pouting and saying i cockblocked him and I kept yelling "I'm sorry...but the cock was never out to be blocked"
Someone asked me what I was drinking, I was drinking rum, but I was also eating starbursts so i told them "daiquiris"
At least I can pee in a cup like a champ at this point
I apologized for the whole SWAT team incident to the roommate.
Life Lesson #1 of 2013: double-fisting shower beers and shaving my bikini line should be reserved for two different showers.
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
I just screamed IM THE CHUPACABRA and jumped on his dick. I need to evaluate my life choices.
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
He surprised me with a puppy tail butt plug in his ass and wants me to fuck him
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
Wow i just puked in front of the lady that was drug testing me. I passed though!
You don’t need a wing man if you have a solid hook up on the pumpkin pie
Shit facedness and cuddling are what you have to look forward to this evening.
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