I'm at a Mexican Walmart. Wish you were here.
Make me a promise>>> if you ever see the brats from that tv show NYC Prep walking around, you will trip them, and you wil throw drinks on them
I just found 51 cents in my bed. Did you leave me a tip?
I mean, I don't even call it a hangover anymore. It's just morning.
we weren't quite sure what was on that mirror, so we snorted it and hoped for the best
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
there was a sad and surprising lack of "did strippers and blow" in that sentence
we went to the bar with our boss and you tried to play a song from the atm machine
I am just pathetic enough to be sitting on the couch with my cat drinking absinthe and vodka watching moulin rouge. Hello, tuesday night.
Dude. The only thing that I use less than my dick is my tennis racket. We need to play.
Yeah! Don't let me leave the house without marijuana and a juicer.
Based on the conversation I'm going to assume you didn't close the deal.
It started going awry when I fell through a roof.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
I have two choices: tits or tacos. I just can't decide.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
Randomize
