Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
Jesus knows you're telling a lie.
Jesus stopped reading my text messages when I started drunk texting boys to hookup
You should be grateful to be my roommate. My booty calls always drive you places in the morning.
he smelled like listerine and beef tacos
I should probably file for unemployment. Sometime between last night and 4 AM I facebooked my manager the lyrics to hoe by ludacris. I'm just projecting ahead here.
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
He came on my face. Threw a towel at me. Stole my weed. And left. I thought this would be over after we graduated?
Standards are awful. It's like living in the zombie apocalypse. You can only have sex with certain people
driving home I had the GPS in one hand and puking in the coffee cup
So no more sangria road trips?
There's nothing worse than carrying your fairy crown and wings home wearing fishnets
I miss the "How many Grindr hits can I get while performing in an elementary school?" game.
he could've at least fucked me twice. that's just common courtesy.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
"Plot twist... I'm straight."
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
