so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
i know we're in college but you cant booty call me at 3 in the afternoon. i dont care how drunk you are.
at last call she tried to get the bartender to fill her flask. when he refused, i had to stop her from trying to pour the rest of her beer in there.
The camera shows a viking with a white mask, a creepy green guy, a gorilla, and a pumpkin throwing eggs and laundry detergent in his yard
OHHH and there was a Batman too.
i don't know man, last time i saw her she was applying sunblock to her vagina
I will give you 100$, a blow job a day for a month and I will shave my legs according to societal standards until next November if you come recuse me from my night class right NOW.
life lesson #151: dont let people go batshit crazy and stab you in the knee
i will live by this rule
You told me that you were as fast as lightning and you wanted to race me. Then you faceplanted after falling down the stairs.
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
The last thing I remember before blacking out was passing that sobriety test.
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
We’ve discussed sex and dinner. Like chicken nuggets while doing it doggie and watching tv.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
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