why wash my dick in the morning if you're not there to suck it?
she was definitely a virgin. no ones that bad unless theyre a virgin
your sister was..
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
What'd you guys eat?
Literally everything that was frozen.
I just ate four packages of Swiss Rolls. Being high and on food stamps is AHmazing.
your ex girlfriend just barged in my house, drunk, mumbled something about "car strip", and put a huge hole in my drywall with her head.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
She's got a butler. A fucking butler. Shes like batman, but with a better ass.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
There is a check pinned to the wall at Connor's. It's a check I wrote for $1,000,000... To you. Clearly you made out well on St. Patrick's day. Thanks for being too shitfaced to remember to grab that.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
He was referring to me as "Teenage Dream" the whole night
Do you just want me to shit in a Jack-o-latern
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
