im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Eating a girl out that was just in the ocean does not make her taste like saltwater taffy
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
i saw like six of her guido cousins in the jersey shore trailer alone. her family is having a dinner party for the premiere tonight.
her moans were so awkward that i kept asking "what" when she'd say my name...
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
Sarah likes to play this game where she leaves her thongs at every party. she hides them where hopefully gf's will find them. I caught her naked from the waste down in my freezer this morning
It was more like a tour de entire bottle of wine in 14 minutes
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
I feel like Jeremy snapchattong while we're fucking is a perfect example of our generation..
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
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