I've walk of shamed through this apartment complex so many times, I think people think I live here.
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
Just found 2 diff. colored pubes in my underwear..new record.
I just watched my mom open a wine bottle with an electric drill. I have never been so proud.
One of my students just said I have "big mommy parts". Even third graders know that my tits are too big. God I love em.
No. I didn't know. I thought mid afternoon shots meant the day could only get better.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Then he wanted a handjob in the car. While my cousin was driving. To krispy kreme. And there was someone else in the backseat.
Jesus...So southern.
Someone just told me I could double date with them and their dog as my date. This is why the suicide rates are so high at the holidays.
As I took my shirt off he commented on how great my boobs where. I responded with "thanks, I grew them myself"
Woke up in my boxers on a subway with a phone number written on my arm in lipstick..Best Night EVER.
the D I S R E S P E C T of sending someone nudes, them opening it, and not bothering to respond
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
