I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
There was a bottle of vodka and chips in a vase next to the bed
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
No, I googled it. Apparently, male thongs are the next snuggy and a lot of guys love wearing them for the support.
What's the address?
Too drunk. Just google it.
IT'S YOUR HOUSE
I was so exhausted I thought about using my deep throat spray to stop my coughing.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I find it ironic...the gays are dying to get married & I just want a fucking divorce
And if I could both stabilize myself *and* pick things up with my penis... Well, I wouldn't be on the fire dept...
If I was banging all the guys that people think I am, I'd quit buying batteries.
He asked me what I wanted for Christmas. I told him an orgasm would be nice.
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Long story short wrist restraints, Apple Watch and cumming all don’t mix
Randomize
