Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I made him recite stats from the playoffs game last night before I would go down on him.
LSHMSFOAIDMT = laughing so hard my sombrero falls off and I drop my taco.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I have no idea. But that is beside the point bc in vegas I'm a pro vball player from Ireland and a veterinarian on the weekends
I'm going to smoke the pathetic stems and miscellaneous particles that weren't good enough for all my other bowls because its all I have left. This is my bag's Rudy moment.
I started scrolling back in our texts looking for context and a picture of your dick rose like the Great Pumpkin in the middle of my screen.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
It was just a matte of pubes and mustard.
I've been sleeping with the same person for about two months now, I think I know a little bit about stability and commitment.
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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