We were chasing that deer in the quad and next thing I remember I woke up in my RAs bed. I'm probably in trouble.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
So i literally just wrote sorry on my quiz and turned it in.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Oh my god please beg your father to turn the car around so you can possibly get laid by a knight at medieval times.
It's official drugs can't kill me
I wonder what acid is like for a blind person... Can we find this out?
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
He called me Kitten either just because or he figured out my old s&m life. Either way huge turn on.
If I die it's either cuz I undercooked my burger or because I used questionable cheese. I have no pants on, so if there's a wellness check, you go in first.
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
we were waffle house and a lady told me her imaginary friend was sitting in the chair next to her. i don't feel so trashy now.
Randomize
